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In a primetime speech from the Oval Office last night, Joe Biden announced it was time to step aside—possibly the most exercise he’s gotten in quite some time. Over ten minutes, he attempted to recount his achievements, although he didn’t have much time left to do so.
Biden declared he’s passing the torch to the next generation. But is that necessary? Young Democrats are already doing an impressive job causing chaos. Joe has quite the history with such flames; whenever he’s around, people seem to spark up trouble. But here he is, passing the torch—perhaps to avoid being burned out himself. Skeptics think the address wasn’t live since the time on his watch didn’t sync with the actual time. But who really knows?
BIDEN ENDS BID FOR 2ND TERM IN WHITE HOUSE AS HE DROPS OUT OF HIS 2024 REMATCH WITH TRUMP
White House aides were just relieved that Biden outlasted his watch battery. They had cameras fixed on his family members during the speech—including Hunter, Ashley, and Jill—keeping them off-screen was the only sure way to make sure Hunter kept his outfit intact.
Interestingly, Biden’s seventh grandchild, Navy, was present too, though about 750 miles away from the cameras. If you hoped to gain insight from Biden’s speech last night, good luck—he rarely provides answers; he just brings up more questions. For instance, why did his team give him a spray tan that rivals Trump’s? He looked like a ‘Biden’ mask, or a jack o’lantern that’s been left out in the sun too long. Did the local mortician warn Jill to put a coat on him in case he needed it while they were on holiday?
As for the purpose of the speech, good luck identifying that. He’s doing so well that he asked to withdraw to cap it off with a high note. It resembles someone saying, “My life is fantastic; I might as well end it.” Joe mentioned prominent figures like George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Franklin Delano Roosevelt, but he appears more akin to William Henry Harrison, Zachary Taylor, or Warren Harding. He spoke of honesty, decency, respect, and other themes he rarely exhibits or even pronounces correctly. He could’ve discussed daring topics such as skydiving or powerlifting, which would’ve been more credible. As always, he vowed to share the truth. Unfortunately, he couldn’t cross his fingers, even if he wanted to. Here’s a real doozy.
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PRESIDENT BIDEN: We’re also securing our border. Border crossings are lower today than when the previous administration left office.
No. At this stage, viewers wish they could plug their ears. One question remains: why did he exit the race on Twitter yet continue as president? He glossed over that. It’s akin to giving a speech on the most attractive TV host without mentioning the obvious. He also referenced passing the torch to the next generation, a line straight from JFK. Well, if he entered with plagiarism, why not exit the same way?
He’s passing the torch but more like passing gas. Joe’s sticking around, because while the presidency is a kingdom, saving democracy takes precedence. He mentioned democracy seven times, each mention diluting its value. He could be likened to Tupac and the ‘n-word’ in that regard. But that’s his subtle allusion to Trump being a danger to democracy without facing consequences if someone reacts violently.
AFTER BIDEN DROPS OUT OF RACE, DOCTORS REVEAL WHY THE DECISION MAY HAVE BEEN BEST FOR HIS HEALTH
Did you witness Washington D.C. yesterday? The party keen on preserving democracy sure loves to attack people and vandalize—plus, they certainly don’t conduct fair primaries. The same party that champions saving democracy encourages illegal voting, undermining your own rights. They eliminate safe spaces for women, target gas stoves, and might eventually come for cars, while also stifling dissent on social media.
They further grant rights to criminals, limiting your freedoms. Biden basically concedes he’s too old to run but not to hold the office. They lack a sound justification for his departure without implying he should resign, and he claims to have too much left to accomplish. Perhaps because he hasn’t achieved much while in office. He even pledged to cure cancer by January.
PRESIDENT BIDEN: I will keep fighting for my cancer moonshot so we can end cancer as we know it, because we can do it.
No, you won’t. The next six months will likely involve him trying to turn on the TV with his shoe while scraping his plate into his sock drawer. Who knows, maybe he’ll inadvertently cast a vote for Trump. He jumbled the scripted speech, completely losing track of what various sentences were about. Like this mulch.
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PRESIDENT BIDEN: And that day I told you as I stood in that… winter… we are stood in a winter of peril and winter of possibilities. Peril and possibilities.
He sounds like a confused weatherman, and we’re expected to be okay with him continuing in office? He couldn’t even function as a coat rack, yet the media spins tales of grandeur.
NBC: This was a speech for the history books, just like when LBJ announced he wouldn’t run for reelection in 1968. We’ll see those clips replayed through the ages. This is the kind of speech destined for reruns.
Sure, rerun for decades in medical schools to illustrate dementia symptoms. Keep it going.
CNN: Yes. The question remains: does character still count? It certainly does tonight. The kid with a stutter performed admirably. He did well—that’s a good man. He fell on his sword.
CNN: This moment elevates him to the ranks of great Americans—think George Washington.
MSNBC: This was a selfless act comparable to how we discuss George Washington’s selflessness.
BIDEN HEALTH CONCERNS PERSIST AS HE MAKES FIRST APPEARANCE AFTER ENDING CAMPAIGN
No, no, no. The only thing he shares with George Washington is a body temperature. If the media were any more sycophantic, they’d qualify as stars on an adult film site. What does Doctor Jill think about all this? The one who shielded him from public scrutiny and sunlight tweeted: Thank you for the trust you place in Joe. Now it’s time to trust Kamala. Shortly after, she dashed off to France for the Olympics. She might be a fan of the deadlift. So, the woman who misled us about Joe’s health expects us to place faith in Kamala, the other woman who misled us about his health. Sorry, I’ve already had my fill of being deceived by women. And then the family celebrated with ice cream—classic behavior following a tonsillectomy. The problem is that this ‘tonsil’ remains, a chunk of tissue prone to infection and ultimately unnecessary.
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