Unfortunately, the character often felt one-dimensional, as flat as the comic book pages from which he appeared to emerge.
“He represented that quintessential Roy of the Rovers archetype, and as I matured, I grew increasingly frustrated and somewhat ashamed that others seemed to know more about my dad than I did,” Rob reflects.
“Experiencing fatherhood is part of shaping our own identity – there’s a kind of framework there that, if we’re fortunate, we can embrace the positive attributes and discard the negatives – but I lacked that connection.
“That child within me yearns to know the simple things: what he smelled like, how he sounded, a deeper insight into who he was beyond this constructed persona. That remains an ongoing frustration.”
Rob transformed that frustration into a book titled The Ghost of White Hart Lane, where he interviewed relatives, former teammates, friends, and acquaintances to uncover the reality behind the legend.
Gradually, he began to piece together the truth.
Rob learned of the sadness and homesickness that would envelop John each winter in London. He discovered the story of a night John drove home intoxicated, narrowly grazing the gates at White Hart Lane. Most poignantly, an uncle shared with Rob the tale of a child John had conceived in Scotland and left behind before moving south, playing for Spurs, and eventually meeting Sandra.
“A part of me has always felt the need to measure up to this seemingly flawless person, someone adored not only by our family but by so many others,” admits Rob.
“To discover he had flaws and insecurities, that he struggled with self-esteem, mental health issues, and seasonal affective disorder, and that he made mistakes – if I had learned all this sooner, it would have clarified my own life experience.
“Understanding our parents’ imperfections helps us accept our own mistakes. We don’t need to have all the answers.”
John’s absence influenced Rob’s life just as profoundly as his presence could have.
Rob is a still-life photographer who has always been attuned to the subtleties and clues within his work, and he is currently training to become a counselor.
Later this month, Rob will be in attendance at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium for the inaugural performance of a play titled The Ghost of White Hart Lane, which he commissioned to narrate his father’s story.
This production aims to convey his father’s narrative to generations of fans who may not be familiar with John’s life or passing.
“It’s something I discuss with my therapist,” he shares. “Witnessing the life infused into the story during the play’s read-throughs has strengthened my motivation to engage with this project.
“In some ways, it feels like an attempt to resurrect my dad.”
After two nights in Tottenham, the play will make its way north, taking the reverse journey of John’s life, to be performed at the Edinburgh Festival.
Some pieces remain elusive. Rob is still on the hunt for a recording of John’s voice. One of his match-worn Tottenham jerseys continues to evade him.
However, through the years, he has uncovered something far more valuable: a deeper understanding and compassion for the father he never truly knew.
